Can’t quite feel. Can’t quite understand. I used to be so dependent on you, so certain that you would be the one. But there were days where it was only me holding onto the hope that you’d feel that same way forever.
The things I did, my actions. Blinded by emotions I could not control. Maybe as I get older, things would change. I would change. Instead, I’ve drifted apart. Not only from you, but others as well. Can’t find the strength to fight. To feel what I once felt. Momentary happiness. Those words we came by together. Is this knowledge the reality that will haunt me forever? And yet, I can’t help but to hold on to the strand of hope that maybe one day, someone will change all that. That maybe, this isn’t my fate. The end of how my life is supposed to be.
Both you and I agreed, that we were here for the same reasons. That this was why most people wandered off to forget. That we were here to forget. But over time, we both realized that we could not. Not anymore. It was useless to spend time on something that made you angry. That it could affect you so greatly, consume so much of your time and give you nothing back. No satisfaction. Negativity streaming through your veins. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. And so, something that was supposed to bring us together, pushed us away instead. It wasn’t a game anymore longer, it had become a lifestyle.
I wonder if you would still fight for me like you did back then. Is our friendship truly as important as her? Could we still predict each other’s actions? Do we still know each other? Or do all we have left is our memories of years ago, the times we spent together, the laughs we shared, the promises we made. We’ve changed as people. We’re no longer the same. Faded spirits of long ago.
Coming home from work only to pass out for two hours and still be tired. Work is so draining lately. All this unnecessary drama and stress. I just want to sleep…
You never talk to me. You never make the first move. I wish we could just have one long conversation for once. I miss talking to you. But you don’t even try. It’s hard for me to believe you care, its hard to see how you could possibly have feelings for me. You say you’re scared but you can’t even take a risk.
Seems like its always so sad because its where I run to get away. I have no intentions on describing something that makes me happy. It’s mine.
I had a talk with you for two hours, maybe longer. I asked you to confirm everything. You gave me back my sanity. You inspired me to become .. who I want to be, who I use to be. That person who I saw as perfection. She’s back. The stable happy girl, who had the grasp of momentary happiness at her side. Patience came easy and kindness was natural. Motivation and desire, that need to succeed. We’re both trying to reach perfection, me and you, we’re the same person. You are my other half. My mentor, my idol. Forever will I look up to you. Forever will you be my best friend. The one who was by my side when I cried, the one who made me cry. Through thick and thin, we’ve climbed mountains together, overcame anything thrown at us. Nothing will ever break us up. Because we pick each other up. I don’t love you, I don’t feel the need to be by you, or constantly think about you. But I know that you are the one I trust, the one who I can go days without talking to and as soon as we talk again, it’s like we had been talking for days. You are the one I will always have around when I’ve reached my breaking point.
No one has respect for anyone other than a select few.
You made me believe
that you had finally forgotten
about me. That you had
gotten rid of the memories,
the love, and every word
that I carefully placed on
the inside of your heart.
You made me believe
that you had finally erased
me from your mind. My
name is no longer a word
that you have become
familiar with. You made me
believe that you had finally
forgotten about me, until
I tried forgetting about you.